Dating is a brutal sport. Anyone that has ever dated will have their own stories of their misadventures. I started chatting to a potential great guy. Started out slow, which is actually a great sign of a person of substance. If the discussion heads south to packages size in less than 10 minutes it is normally a sure tell that the guy is just interested in NSA. This, this did not give off that vibe.

So, as always, I took my cue from my chat counterpart and just chatted about normal everyday stuff. I am not shy to share intimate details, but I let the other party bring that up. I really enjoy just chatting for company’s sake. From our chats, it became clear that we really had a lot of things in common which excited me. It has been a while since I connected with someone.

Anyway, what was meant to be a rapid sharing session after he revealed that he is kind of excited about the prospects from our chats as well, but that he does have some concerns like the 5 year age gap, I let slipped that I am hairy. Now, firstly, I understand the dislike, I am not a great fan of this much hair either, but it turns out that being hairy is a deal breaker for him. He could not date a hairy person, but he can sleep with him if I am interested.

Now people have dismissed me because I am over weight. They have dismissed me because I am not a model, but this one was rather a spanner in the works I did not see coming.  As to how much of a deal it is, it has killed all interest to chat.

Being a guy that thinks of himself as just a normal guy, gaylife can be hard to phantom, let alone understands. To all singles, I hope with you all that there is indeed a lit for this particular pot casted and that it still looking as well.


Moving day


There are plenty to write about at the moment, so let me pick a topic that has generated a lot of excitement and anxiety in me. Moving…yes I am finally moving out. Some will argue that it is about time. To be honest, there are very few that will actually understand it. I have stopped a long time ago to explain it to people or to justify it.

I will not even try it here. I think I finally understand it myself. Part of the reluctance to move is my ultimate fear of being alone. It is a funny thing to say, especially coming from a loner and socially inept person.

But it is true, even though you keep to yourself and does your own thing; you still like the fact that there are people around you, even though you interact very little with them.

It is a little like society today. I see my best friend once every three months, yet we can talk daily via chat. I have more contacts today than I have ever had in my life. I probably talk to more people on a daily bases than what I have done before. Yet, when meeting them, I am still shy and still reserved, even though we have disclosed far worst things online.

So what is the big deal? You will still have the ability to talk to these people daily, why the fear of being alone? Is it because you know no one in the area, having someone you can just quickly pop into to say hi?

I think in the end, it is that need for human interaction, which drives even loners like me to either suicide or dating…Which one is worst, I don’t know…

The oldest wish…


I find myself wondering the age old question…what must one do to get a great guy in your life? Is it to much to ask that a nice guy can just walk up to you and be open and honest about what he wants form you…? Why can’t it be this simple?

Have it ever happened that you have found some one and he ends up living in another part of the world, thousands of miles away…with so many obstacles to overcome that you have to ask yourself if this is even possible? Or you have two people that are a great match for one another, but they both don’t want to let go of their lives…or the one is willing too but the other is not…or worst yet, they only “work” outside their normal lives…?

Is it too much to ask for just a guy that is willing to open his mouth and be honest about what he wants, be available and willing to open to you and you be both willing to deal with each other…?

Instead, what we have is some of the following…You are to open with your feelings, you are too intense…Or I can’t give up my aspects of my life, they are too important to me, it is not fair on you to wait for me…Or you are pressurising me…

There is also the other side, I will give up everything to be with you…Or it does not matter as long as we are together…Or I know we belong together…therefore nothing else matter…

Mr X and Y, you are both idiots…and both wrong for me…

You are playing the oldest two dating schemes in the book…Guild and Playing the field.

You see, this play works well for them, like a spider and his web. You the counter party are caught in their web. Vulnerable, exposed, needy…they are driving everything. The one makes you feel guilty that you don’t feel the same towards him, the other, keeps you guessing and unsure, setting the rules and the game play…making sure you can’t fight back or demand too much, because then they will loose you…

You see both these parties have their goals, and they care about what suits them…what you want is less important…you are ultimately there LUNCH!

Yes, the Madman is not so sane today, but he needs to write…I am distracted and I want to just scream at someone. It is fear, pent-up frustration, lust, hate, love, guild, anger, helplessness, hopelessness… So world, fate, divine intervention, please send me Mr. Right…I am home…alone!