Turning 30


It is just after midnight and I just turned 30! For most people this is a major train smash, leaving their twenties… I thought I would have more angst about it myself, but as it turned out, my angst came on my 29… I think as the last year settles and I move into this new one, I am ready for being 30.

I was never a terrible teenager. I think my parents have had the easiest job in the world to raise me. I never wanted a motor cycle; I had at that stage in my life no desire to drink… I can honestly say I was never drunk before. I never went through the wild experimental stage, I never wanted to smoke, and in fact, I detest smoking so much, that I only have one smoking friend…

My twenties were my crisis years. Unlike other people, that push them self to experience new things and discover who they are and what they want, I was working hard not too… I battled about being gay, the consequences of it… leading to depression, helplessness, low self worth and ultimately to being severely overweight.

Turning 28 was my turning point. In New York, I realised that without thinking about it, I have achieved one of my goals, to travelling, getting away from home and living on my own. To be actually twenty…  It was that power within that gave me the guts to accept my sexuality, a fact I should not hide nor can change. The year that followed was a storm of events, dating for the first time, losing weight, exercising, meeting someone special (or so I thought), having your heart broken…it was a busy year…

Then 29 stormed by and the angst started. I wanted to do so much before I turned 30 and time was running out… but I have not done to badly: I had a romance, for 8 weeks I fall deeply madly irresponsible in-love, knowing that it would end in tears and a lot of hurt, yet, I just did not care. I felt free and seriously in love for the first time in my life… Then I came home, I started a new career, I moved into my own space, which later by accident became my first home and property…

I have also met someone that makes me smile most days and that care for me greatly and someone I care for greatly. This time the love is different, it is not perfect but it is real and I know that we can build on it and expand it and that is what is special about it…

I think people fear turning 30 because they are now expected to be mature, grown up, responsible. I think they associate it with a time they no longer can be the things that makes being twenty so great.

That brings me to me, being 30… In many ways, I think I have always been 30: I have always been very serious and responsible…most days I wish I were not like that. I think my wish for myself this year and for my rest of my life is to be a little twenty every once in a while: Dare to be free, dare to experience, dare to push yourself, be you and just have some fun…

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